Have you ever wasted days of your life obsessing over what you haven’t done and how much you suck because of it?
Yeah, me too.
Has it ever made anything better or spurred you to commit to your goals long-term?
I don’t know about you, but for me, heckkk no.
Shaming yourself for what you haven’t done yet doesn’t make you happy and productive.
It just makes you feel sad, unworthy, and two seconds away from inhaling a bag of chips and a tub of cookie dough Häagen-Dazs.
Over it.
I believe there’re healthier ways to challenge yourself to up your game and keep it moving.
If you’re forcing yourself to endure something that isn’t sustainable and doesn’t serve a higher purpose, you’re setting yourself up for a whoooole lotta frustration, and that’s not why you’re here.
You’re here to glow, live out loud, make gorgeous art, and soar.
So! Here’re 3 ways to break up with shame, wiggle your shoulders, and stop feeling like a huge failure because you haven’t hit your goals yet.
1. Cut The Criticism
Talking smack to yourself won’t make you a better human. Your value isn’t tied to your performance.
Did you catch that?
Your value isn’t tied to your performance.
We live in a world obsessed with metrics — test scores, the number of zeroes in bank accounts, championship medals and trophies — and the people who crush them —geniuses, billionaires, star athletes— but it’s costing us.
It’s costing us empathy and compassion. It’s costing us deeper relationships and genuine, selfless connections. It’s costing us our humanity.
You expect nothing but the best, whenever and however you want it, from yourself and everyone around you, and it’s just not possible.
You’re not a machine. You can’t be “on” all the time because you’re gonna fail, have bad days, and be derailed by emergencies and other crises.
Yes, you ought to be your best self and do incredible work, but you don’t have to rip yourself apart to become a peak performer.
You want to challenge yourself and break your bad habits, not break your heart and wound your soul.
2. Pace Yourself
I know you want to do all the things now, but that’s not gonna happen without an army of people helping you, so relax!
Don’t shame yourself into endless exhaustion because you wanna keep up or die trying.
Instead, pay attention to your personal rhythm and how much time you need for each task on your schedule.
What are your peak hours? When do you feel most energised, alert, and on top of your game?
Where do you do your best work? What kind of environment do you need to dance on the edge of your brilliance?
What motivates you? Are you beating yourself up over something you loathe with every fibre of your being, or are you running away from it because you’re afraid to fail?
When you know what you need to be and do your best, you’re able to pace yourself and stop spiralling into shame over what you haven’t done yet.
Your personal rhythm determines the quality of your performance throughout the day.
You gotta work with it, not whip yourself into a frenzy because you can’t outperform your current limits.
Give yourself enough time and space for each task.
If you need 3 hours to craft a killer presentation, don’t try to squeeze it into 30 minutes and then beat yourself up because it’s sloppy and incomplete.
3. Celebrate Small Wins
This is your fork in the road.
You can obsess over how much you haven’t done, or you can celebrate how far you’ve come and challenge yourself to keep going.
Small wins stack up.
You get traction each time you show up and give the blank page, the workout, or the audition all you’ve got.
You rack up visible markers of progress and get faster, stronger, more confident in your own skin.
You recognise that you can’t always control your circumstances, but you can always adapt to them and kick shame to the curb when she tries to dull your shine.
Celebrating small wins is keeping your head up even when you stumble or fall flat on your face.
You don’t sweat the bumps in the road because you’re focused on the bigger picture and consistent progress over instant perfection.
You become unstoppable when you give yourself permission to fail and refuse to fall to pieces each time you do.
Missed your gym session but did 10 burpees anyway?
Brilliant! Keep going!
Bombed the audition even though you sang your heart out?
You showed up! Take the feedback and go harder next time!
Only wrote 500 words today instead of your usual 1,500?
High five! You wrote anyway! Keep going!
See the pattern?
Each small win is a sign that you’re here and unafraid to take up space.
Each small win is an act of courage that defies the tyranny of shame.
Each small win is a declaration that even when you fall short of your personal best, you are still worthy because you are enough.
Don’t let shame cripple you. Stay hyped about how far you’ve come and crawl around, vault over, or blow up every obstacle in your path.
Small wins stack up.
Get on it.
Defying Shame Is A Constant Battle
You gotta remind yourself that just because you haven’t done it yet doesn’t mean you suck or that you can’t do it at all.
When you cut the criticism, pace yourself, and celebrate the small wins, you’re relaxed but agile.
You refuse to obsess over your mood swings and stats, and focus instead on growth and momentum.
You stop playing the shame game and start playing your A-game.
You dare yourself to show up and do the work even when it’s not perfect because you know that you can’t lose as long as you “put in your reps.”
And when it gets hard to go on, because it will get hard, you give yourself permission to pause, refuel, and come back even stronger than before.
You are more than a bunch of performance metrics. Don’t let shame tell you any different.
And if you need a hype woman to spark your fire, let’s hang out!
Sign up for my weekly love mail and light up your inbox.
Because I will always remind you that you are brilliant, and you are enough.
Otiti, thank you for calling out ‘shaming’. Ah luvit!! 👌👌👌👌👌
Thank yooouuuu!! 😘😘