I’ve battled depression and anxiety for 20 years.
It’s been a long, hard slog.
Sometimes it feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
Like I’ll never live out my dreams because I can’t fight my way out of the dark.
Like I’m in this huge maze that keeps mushrooming, there’re no exits, and all the paths lead to dead-ends mocking me with the illusion of hope before shattering my dreams.
And yet.
Being depressed has given me a precious, beautiful gift.
It’s made me wiser, kinder, and more empathetic.
It’s taught me to be tender, more loving, and more compassionate.
It’s shown me how easy it is to be fun and upbeat on the outside while your soul’s weeping buckets and your heart’s broken and bleeding on the inside.
It’s shown me that words can be a salve or they can be acid, but it’s up to me to watch what comes out of my mouth because I just don’t know how it’ll affect other people.
It shows me, every day, that I can’t afford to lug around unforgiveness and bitterness and expect to heal at the same time.
I don’t talk about my mental health challenges much beacuse I’m vigilant against the backlash to my unbridled honesty.
There are loads of sharks in the water and I’m swimming below their radar so we don’t collide in a devastating mess of blood, guts, and shredded hearts.
I became a blogger in the thick of the depression because I felt I had something to say and it was important to say it.
Working my way through a couple hundred blog posts showed me how deeply I cared about wellbeing and radiant emotional health from the inside out.
I focused on self-love and self-care for a few years just to tell my readers (mostly women) that it was OK to love themselves, that they needed to be kind and nurturing to themselves too, and that their dreams mattered enough to act on them.
I even created a live 30-day self-love coaching course that I taught to my girlfriends and clients.
It was one of the best times of my life.
I’ve crashed hard since then and come close to burning down my blog, but I keep going because I feel there’s more for me to do.
There are more lives to reach, more courses to create, and more eBooks to write. Heck, maybe I have a ream of bestsellers in me just waiting to bloom from my fingers and all I’ve lived through.
I’m sharing this today because I’m flawed and imperfect.
Because I need to disappear for a while when it gets really rough inside and I can’t hear myself think with all the (social media) noise in my head.
Because I’m not fun and upbeat all the time, and that’s OK, because I’m living a real life that’s tangled and messy, not a slew of Instagram-perfect shots on a glorious highlight reel.
Because I’m fighting, and I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not giving up, and I’m not waiting for later to feel amazing or do the great work I’m here to do.
Because I’m here to win, and I won’t stop fighting until I do.
Because I know what it is to bleed, and suffer, and grit your teeth through yet another day fighting the same demons and scaling the same walls.
Because I’ve been broken open, and I’m still breaking open, and I’m learning that having empathy is a crucial life skill, not just something nice people do.
Learning to be kind to myself in the midst of pain and stasis means I’m kinder to everyone I meet because I don’t know how robust or frail their joy is.
Learning to accept myself means I’m more accepting of other people, even when we have different values and belief systems.
Learning to love myself, wounds and all, means I’m willing to love others and not hold them to an impossibly high standard of perfection.
Learning to live with empathy means I’m acting to make my world a kinder, healthier, more loving place.
It’ll never be perfect, but it can be so much more if I just show up and live with love.
If I live out what I believe and share in my free eBook The Empathy Project.
If I keep going even when it’d be so much easier to give in and give up.
Today, I’m still battling major depression and anxiety disorder.
But.
I’m learning from my failures and surging forward because this is not how my story ends.
I’m learning, one moment at a time, to live with love, empathy, and kindness.
I’m learning that right here, right now, is the perfect time to try again.
No matter how many times I fall.
No matter how many times I fail.
Right here, right now, I dare to be.
Wounds and all.
There you go! Lovely read. You are warrior strong.
Thanks, bruv. I appreciate you. 🙂
Two Words. .. Simply Beautiful . Thank you Radiant Soul. 💕💕💕💕💕
🤗🤗🤗😚😚😚 You’re welcome, Mummy
😊. Awesome show of strength and will. Keep strong Jasmine!!!
Thank you, Manyo! I shall. 😊