How To Be Kind To Yourself

Being kind to yourself is nonnegotiable, not optional.

Let me ask you this: Do you like who you are? Do you respect who you are? Do you love who you are? Would you talk to another person the way you talk to yourself?

Ooh, burn.

Would you talk to another person the way you talk to yourself?

Being kind to yourself is paying attention to what you think, the way you think it, why you think it, and what comes out of your mouth as a result.

If your thoughts are full of worry and belittling statements, is it any wonder that you’re unkind to yourself and utterly exhausted from the stress of it all?

So today, take a step back. Look at your thoughts. I mean really look at them.

Is this the life you want? Are these the thoughts you want? Is this how you want to feel?

If your answers are yes, yes, and yes, brilliant! Keep doing what you’re doing and let a sister know your secrets. 😀

If any or all of your answers are no, then there’s work to do, but it’s not a quick fix in 10 easy steps.

It’s a lifelong journey of deliberately cultivating kind thoughts that fuel a kind mind and a kind life.

A kind mind is a clear mind. You don’t make excuses for your shortcomings, but you also don’t rip yourself apart for your mistakes.

You see your weaknesses as areas to grow, not as reasons to abuse yourself. You see your strengths as opportunities to shine, not as reasons to feel better than anyone else.

You see yourself as you are. Not as you wish to be or think you should be, but as you really are at this moment.

Change is possible and transformation is beautiful, but no true growth is built on lies or deception.

When you accept who you are today, you plant the seeds for who you could be tomorrow.

But it starts with being honest enough to meet yourself where you are and grow from there, one kind thought at a time.

And how do you do this? I’m so glad you asked.

Here’re 5 ways to be kind to yourself:

1. No abusive language.

Not in your mind.

Not in your mouth.

Not in your texting, emailing, or journaling.

No abusive language to or about yourself. Ever.

Your thoughts have power. The longer you indulge the self-abuse, the harder it gets to like yourself enough to be kind to yourself, because you feel you don’t deserve it. You abuse yourself so much that you can’t even remember how to be different.

And if that makes your head spin, that’s exactly the point. Abusive language is a never-ending downward spiral that traps you in darkness.

Cut it out.

2. Be gentle with your wounds.

Chances are you’re unkind to yourself because of where you’ve been and what you’ve experienced. Life can be brutal when we least deserve it and leave us more wounded than we imagined possible. It happens.

That said, your past is not enough to poison your present and your future. You can’t be kind to yourself until you handle your wounds with care as you heal (that’s a whole other thing on its own, by the way).

Yes, it’s hard to fight the pull of negative thinking, but let me ask you this: Has any of it made you kinder to yourself? Has it made you a better human being?

Are your relationships flourishing because you keep poking at and obsessing over your wounds instead of getting help so you’re finally healed?

No? Then it ain’t even worth it. Onward.

Your wounds are real. Your past did happen. None of it was fair.

But today is before you and the rest of your life is ahead of you, so what will you do with it?

3. Get the right crew.

You want people you can grow with for this. People you can trust. People who can see where you are and cheer you on as you grow towards where you’re going.

You don’t need people who keep reminding you of your mistakes and making you feel like you’ll never amount to anything.

And if that describes most of your inner circle right now, girl, you need an upgrade!

The right crew creates the right environment for the real work.

The real work is the praying; the battling; the growing pains; the blood, sweat, and tears as you break off old patterns keeping you stuck and bitter.

You do a lot of it on your own, yes, but you do need backup when you falter so you don’t give up.

Who’s in your corner?

4. Get your mind right.

What you put in your mind is what comes out of your mouth and manifests in your life.

If you’re kind in your mind, you’ll speak kind words and live a kind life. You’ll experience and create beauty, light, life, and joy.

If you’re unkind or even hateful in your mind, guess what comes out of your mouth and mushrooms in your life? Venom, vitriol, darkness, and destruction. And that is no way to live.

What are you watching? What are you reading? What are you listening to? Who are you talking to? What are you planting in your mind?

Whatever you plant in your mind today shapes who you become tomorrow.

Are you excited about who you’ll be tomorrow?

5. Start where you are.

There’s no perfect time or place to cultivate kindness. There’s no “I’ll get to it when . . .” because you’ll never get to it if you don’t begin today.

Befriend yourself. Get to know who you are beyond all the flaws you can’t seem to see past. Ask your crew what they think of you, what they love about you.

Notice the compliments you get and try to accept them graciously without deflecting or downplaying them. Say “thank you” and mean it. Celebrate others. Encourage them. Be a beacon to them.

Why is being kind to yourself nonnegotiable and not optional?

Because you will never rise above the horrors of the past if you remain trapped in self-abuse and self-hatred.

You will never truly flourish if you carry festering wounds in your soul that bleed over everything you touch.

You may be able to perform, yes, but you won’t flourish. And I’m guessing you’re interested in flourishing or you wouldn’t have read this far.

And finally,

Be patient.

Change takes time. Growth takes time. You want something that’ll last, not a flash in the pan. You didn’t get your thinking patterns overnight, so they won’t change overnight either.

But they will change if you keep showing up day after day and filling your mind with kind words that turn the tide of your thoughts, your words, and your life.

You can choose to do the hard work to be kind to yourself or do the hard work of staying exactly the same, but please know that it’s a choice and you’re the only one who can make it.

Remember that a kind mind is a clear mind. Remember that each new day is a fresh opportunity for something more. Remember that a kind mind births a flourishing life.

And then ask yourself this: Is my mind kind? Am I excited about my life? Am I flourishing?

What you do with those answers is up to you. I want the best for you, but in the end, what I want is irrelevant.

What you want is what matters most.

So, how will you be kind to yourself today?

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• How To Be A Better Friend
• Why You Need New Heartskin
• How to Rise Above Disappointment Through Praise