Do you break out in a sweat when it’s time to handle conflict better and have hard conversations?

Yeah, me too. They’re no fun at all and can be super challenging, right?

But I think they’re worth having because they’re so challenging.

Yes, it’s hard to confront another person’s bad behaviour or the hurt they’ve caused you, but that’s what makes your relationship real. That’s what makes your friendship real.

It’s what separates your family and your crew from the people you just buy coffee from or ride the train with.

Is it possible to have the hard conversations that address a hurt, a concern, or a boundary violation?

Absolutely. But first you need the right tools and mindset.

Let’s dive in.

6 Ways To Handle Conflict Better

1. Lead With Love

Can you talk to this person without blowing up or saying something you can’t take back?

Yes, if you’re intentional about it.

Leading with love helps you focus on the dissonance in your relationship at that moment. It clears your mind of the fog of “But you always do this!” and all that jazz.

It’s not easy to resolve conflict, but it’s easier when you act from love and genuine concern. It’s how you work out your differences without getting into a verbal war or mud fight.

Leading with love is about building the other person up, not tearing them down.

Don’t allow hurt feelings damage the foundation of your relationship and the trust you have for each other.

2. Listen

Taking the time to listen to each other stops you from blindly attacking yourselves.

Go into the conversation with a clear picture of what the real issue is. That way, you’ll be in a better position to lead with love, listen, and show grace. You’ll also have a real chance of keeping your healthy relationship intact, which is important long-term!

Let’s be honest, we avoid conflict because we don’t want to fight or damage the relationship, right? But interestingly, we do just that when we never handle conflict correctly or agree to have the hard conversations.

Avoiding the hard stuff doesn’t make it go away, it just makes it harder.

If we’re not being present in the moment and listening deeply, how can there be real growth and progress? What if most of the misunderstandings and constant friction in our relationships are because we’re not really listening to each other?

Let’s say I keep fighting with a friend without slowing down enough to truly hear her side of the story or even consider her feelings.

How can our friendship survive if I’m so focused on how I feel and what I need that I can’t recognise how she feels and what she needs?

3. Fight Fair

There’s a real danger in fighting below the belt because you might cause irreparable damage when you do that often.

We get mean when we’re bitter, resentful, or frustrated. If you’re feeling any of those emotions, having your conversation might only make things worse.

Why not try working through your frustrations first before you talk to your family, friend, or co-worker who’s pushing your buttons?

Take the time to pinpoint how you feel and why you feel that way. You’ll release the pressure of pent-up frustration, go in with a clearer head, and use a lighter touch for truly delicate issues.

Personally, I find it helps when I pray about it first and hash it out in my journal before I say a word to anyone. That way, I don’t have to worry about blowing a fuse ’cause I’m already calm and focused! Win-win!

Speaking of not blowing a fuse, my pastor talked about how to “fight better” when you’re arguing with your spouse. He said you’re gonna fight anyway, so you might as well fight better. He meant don’t bring up the past or even blame them for things they’re not responsible for, because that’s not fair to them.

To fight fair is to attack the problem in the relationship, not the person in the relationship.

Did you catch that?

To fight fair is to attack the problem in the relationship, not the person in the relationship.

Where do you need to ease up and show a little more grace in your conversations?

4. Own Your Part

Because this is a two-way conversation and you’re listening to each other, chances are you’ll have to own your part.

If there’s something you’re saying or doing that you need to apologise for, now’s the time to do it! Because recognising your own mistakes and saying you’re sorry are signs of true maturity, amen?

Please remember that having a hard conversation isn’t about saving face or hammering on who’s right or wrong.

Instead, it’s about fostering a safe environment to discuss the health of your relationship and how to move forward together.

If tempers and tensions are sky-high because no one’s addressing the real issues, it’ll be harder to stay loving and calm right when it matters most, y’know?

5. Show Up

Do what you say you’re going to do.

Make the call. Keep the date. Be on time. Make space for your people.

Whatever the issue is, deciding to own your part also means showing up even when it’s inconvenient. Because that’s what it takes to be a true friend and genuine human being with integrity.

Be the one your people can trust to do what’s right. You have integrity, remember? Hold on to that even when you’re tempted to get mean and fight dirty. (See #3!)

6. Be Kind

Sometimes it takes a while to see change or progress, particularly if you’re both learning how to communicate in healthy, sustainable ways.

Being kind is all about showing patience, grace, and love.

And if that sounds a little too abstract for you, try this exercise with me.

Think of a time when you messed up or struggled with a bad habit. Can you remember someone’s kindness to you and how much you appreciated it? Do you remember how it made life a little easier and brighter even though you still had work to do?

That’s the same way being kind will help the person you need to have a hard conversation with. Show them that same love, patience, and grace; it’ll help defuse any ticking bombs about to explode.

Bonus tip: It’s easier to be kinder to others when you’re already being kind to yourself.

Hash It Out Now, Be Healthy Later

In the end, learning how to handle conflict better is really about learning to have healthier relationships at home, at work, at school, and everywhere in-between.

Conflict is inevitable, so instead of running from it or jumping in with guns blazing, I invite you to consider something different.

Consider showing love. Consider showing grace. Focus on who that person is to you and how much they mean to you.

Make the sacrifice to separate who they are from what they’ve done or keep doing. Address the issue at the root as you talk to each other, not at each other.

You’re here for healthier and more vibrant relationships in your world and with your crew, amen? So, go out there and be the one who fosters them.

How’re you gonna have hard conversations after today?

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