Losing a dream is hard. Burying a dream is harder. How do you keep hope alive when your dream dies, especially when it feels like part of you’s dying with it?
That’s a tough question with no easy answers, because it’s not easy to give up something you’ve invested your time, money, effort, and energy in.
It’s not easy to bury a dream you’ve spent years or even your whole life trying to achieve, and it’s definitely not easy watching your dream die even when you’ve done all you can to keep it alive.
So, what do you do?
Bless It And Release It
Sometimes we have to lose who we think we are or what we think we want, so we can discover who we really are and what we actually need.
Let me show you how that played out in my own life.
Back in 2015, I switch from writing about personal development to writing about sex and creativity. I mean, sex sells, right?
Plus, there’s this new wave of “sex positivity” celebrating a new way of living, doing business, and of course, “manifesting” lots of money.
So, I dive in. I want something fun, vibrant, and stimulating, and this seems like just the thing.
I start building my business and online identity around it. It becomes a dream when people are reading my blog more, asking questions, and even wanting to partner with me to create workshops and programmes.
But getting caught up in all that costs me something. Embracing such permissive ideals so very different from my upbringing and the faith I once had stirs up all this tension in me, and eventually, the dissonance gets so loud and persistent that I crack under the strain.
One night in July 2016, I say a prayer for the first time in years. I wonder if God is real, and if He is, I ask Him to show Himself to me because of how lost and empty I feel.
I’m not even sure if I believe what I’m saying or not, but I do the best I can and go to sleep heavy-hearted.
Burying Your Dream Disrupts Your Life
A few things hit me when I wake up the next morning. First, I do believe that God is real. Second, I did just rededicate my life to Jesus and choose to follow Him. And third, I can’t write about sex and creativity anymore because it doesn’t align with my faith and the Bible.
Giving up my dream becomes one of the hardest things I’ve ever done because it means tearing everything down.
It means deleting the blog posts and social media content I wrote around that dream. It means walking away from the friends and potential business partners who were attracted to that persona.
And it means never publishing the book I’d almost finished writing that was gonna be my launching pad into a shiny new career.
Why am I sharing all this today? Because I know what it’s like to want something, to really want it, and then have to give it up for any number of reasons.
It may be because it’s wrecking your wellbeing or buckling under the weight of external factors like COVID and a shaky economy, but whatever the case, burying a dream is real and it hurts.
Who You Are Isn’t Tied To What You Do
It takes me a while to separate my identity from my dream. It takes me forever to delete the draft of my book because I can’t face putting that final nail in the coffin. Who I was got enmeshed in what I was trying so hard to do, so if I couldn’t do that anymore, who was I really?
I learn something when I bury that dream and all the dust settles from everything I’ve torn down. Who I am as a person and what I do for a living are two distinct things. I don’t have to bury my hope too just because a dream dies. Yes, it’s rough, but it’s just one part of my life, not all of it.
And even beyond that, I learn that my hope is in Jesus, not in myself or my work. Jesus is my Hope and He is eternal, so even when my dream dies, my hope stays alive.
My identity is in who He says I am and what His Word says about me, not in what people say about me or the social markers I rack up.
In the end, I’m able to keep hope alive when my dream dies because I find new life, new love, and new hope in Jesus.
It doesn’t happen overnight and it’s challenging, but letting go of my dream for myself allows me discover His dream for me, His plans for me, and His vision for me. And they’re infinitely grander than anything I could’ve come up with on my own.
How You Can Keep Hope Alive Too
Your dream probably looks very different from mine, so you might say that I just don’t understand your situation, and you’re right, I don’t.
I don’t understand because I’m not walking in your shoes and living your life, but I do believe that keeping hope alive matters more than who does or doesn’t understand.
It matters to recognise that life still has promise even when things burn down or disintegrate, and it matters to cherish what you still have even after your dream dies.
You have breath in your body. You have the opportunity to start over and discover something radically different. And you have the opportunity to finally be at peace with yourself when you truly accept that who you are isn’t tied up in what you do.
So, how do you do all that?
1. Pray
I personally recommend prayer because Jesus changed my life and I love Him so much. I believe He’s got more than enough love and hope for all of us, amen?
So, pray. Talk to your pastor or someone who has faith if you don’t have a pastor. Let them sit with you, pray with you, and maybe help you figure out what’s next. If they can’t do that, chances are they can point you to someone who can.
2. Get Qualified Help
Consider going to therapy, seeing a counsellor, or hiring a coach. They can teach you practical ways to handle your emotions without drowning in them or falling into destructive patterns.
Any grief or trauma you suppress always bursts out in the end, and you don’t need that drama in your life.
Talk things through with a trained professional who can see your blind spots and teach you how to navigate them.
3. Grieve
Allow yourself grieve. You’re burying something that mattered to you. Give yourself time and space to make peace with that.
How long will that take? It’s different for everyone. Instead of focusing on a specific time frame, I invite you to simply walk through it without trying to force anything.
Please don’t wallow in your grief or isolate yourself because that’ll just make it worse.
Spend time with the people who can love you, support you, and nourish you.
Spend time with the people who listen to you. Allow your conversations open you up to something brighter than the angst and heartache of losing your dream.
4. Clear The Decks
Make room for something new. Allow yourself rediscover the hobbies and simple pleasures you may’ve lost sight of or not had time for in a while.
Go somewhere new in your city. See the sights around you. Explore your world.
Declutter your space and throw out or delete all the stuff you’ve been meaning to get to “later.”
Decluttering works wonders for clearing your mind and restoring order to chaos, so it’s a win-win. Try it out.
This Is Not How Your Story Ends
Years ago, I was in a really tough season that seemed endless. I wrote down and held on to one sentence that helped me believe in a brighter future:
This is not how my story ends.
I offer it to you today as a reminder that what’s ahead of you is so much greater than what’s behind you.
Where you’ve been, what you’ve endured, and what you’ve had to bury are all unique to you, but in the end, you’re still here.
You’re still here, you are enough, and this too shall pass.
So, when you feel like you just can’t go on?
Pray, talk to someone you love, and remember this:
This is not how your story ends.
Thank you, Otiti, for shining light on how to let go, how to grieve, and how to survive even onto greater things.
I thank you most especially for….. “This is not how my story ends.” It pays to remember and hold on to that phrase. THIS IS NOT HOW MY STORY ENDS!!!
Hiiii, Mama! 😀
Thank you! I’m glad it spoke to you. 🙂 Hope remains even when dreams die, and recognising that “This is not how my story ends” is all part of the journey.
May we rise above how we feel and stride into the brightness of tomorrow!
Amen Otiti! 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏