Are you satisfied with how much time you spend with your family, or do you wish you had more time with them?
Do you want deeper conversations and richer relationships with your family, or are you so focused on your pursuits and your friends that you’re barely skimming the surface with your own flesh and blood?
These are some of the questions I’ve been grappling with lately. It’s so easy to get lost in the daily grind and be too “stressed” to spend time with your loved ones, and you keep telling yourself, “Later”.
You’ll get to them later. You’ll write the letter, email, or text later. You’ll call later. You’ll visit later.
“Later” sounds so tempting, doesn’t it? Nebulous enough to let you off the hook in the moment, yet concrete enough to make you think you’ll actually follow through.
But how often do you follow through though?
There’ll always be more to do. More laundry. More cooking. More cleaning. More meetings. More classes and homework and projects. More TV shows and social media skits to catch up on! More business deals to close and clients to see! More more more. It never ends.
But you know what does end?
The time available to you to spend with your loved ones. Your parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents, nephews and nieces. All the people you share DNA with that you actually talk to. Your time with them is finite, so how much of it do they have?
Make Time For Your Family Now, Not Later
Look, I get it. I’m busy. You’re busy. They’re busy. We’re all busy! But busy with what though? Maybe we’re so busy with the wrong things that we miss out on the jewels right in front of us, standing with arms wide open, waiting to love on us and be our friends.
We’re super busy until we look up one day and they’re gone, and all the things we didn’t say and do start ringing in our ears and looping in our minds. I don’t know about you, but once in life is enough to experience that kind of heartbreak and regret.
So today, I invite you to take stock of the healthy relationships in your life and see how many are with your own family. If you’re way closer to your friends than your family, then barring abuse and incurable dysfunction, Houston, we have a problem.
You see, life is so short. Time with our loved ones is so very precious. It’s easy to forget with all the glitz and glam of smartphones and social media, but honestly?
Pixels on the screen will never replace genuine relationships with actual human beings. Sharing a meal and cracking jokes across the dinner table in real time can’t be eclipsed by anything you do digitally, because the memories that matter most? Aren’t the ones from your best game score or your killer IG Live or anything else.
Cherish Your Imperfect Family Now, Not Later
Slow down. Enjoy your family. Befriend them. Give them your time and attention. Make memories with them. Cherish the moments you can spend together while you can.
And if you need a handy way to remember to slow down, here it is:
(S)avour their company
(L)ove on them
(O)ffer your heart and ears (your attention)
(W)itness them (really see them)
When you slow down long enough to enjoy your family, you’ll discover something I wish I understood years ago: Relationships are the real treasures in our lives. Not our social markers, not our accolades or achievements, but our relationships.
And please understand, I’m not trying to paint an idyllic picture and say that our families are perfect, because they aren’t. I’m not saying latch on to any toxic or abusive loved ones, because boundaries are important for your health and wellbeing. Please talk to a qualified counsellor or therapist if you’re dealing with any kind of abuse or toxicity.
But I am saying that our families matter. I’m saying that if you’re blessed to have a large family with multiple siblings and/or first cousins, you share blood with a whole lotta people who can be your friends and confidantes. I’m saying that there’re fires and trials you walk through in this life, and at the end of the day, only your real family will be left standing.
More often than not, that real family is your flesh and blood, so doesn’t it make sense to share your triumphs and highs and everyday moments with them instead of waiting for crises to bring you closer?
Fam First, Friends Second
Yes, there’re friends who’re just like family, even closer than blood sometimes. They’re incredible blessings and I’m all for it. But please, don’t neglect the healthy relationships you could have right in your own backyard. Don’t pour all your time and attention into your friends and wake up one day to discover that you don’t even know your siblings and cousins as well as you know your friends. It’s happened to me and it’s sobering. Has it happened to you too?
When you get to the end of your life, you won’t care about the TV shows you binged or the projects you aced or the businesses you built. You’ll care about the people in your life, the ones you loved and how well you loved them. You’ll care about the memories you made, the meals you shared, the gifts you exchanged, the secrets you entrusted to each other.
When you lose someone, you won’t care about their positions, titles, or accomplishments. You’ll care about the hugs you gave, the love you enjoyed, the belly laughs that left you gasping for breath because they were so rich and deep. You’ll care about who they were to you and who you were to them. You’ll care about the things you take for granted now, like picking up the phone just to say hey, making time to hang out, surprising them with their favourite gadget or perfume or even a simple bouquet of flowers.
We are social creatures. We’re built for connection. Wired for it, you could say. And on some level, we all need someone to do life with us.
So if you have a family and it’s safe to do so, please start there. Go deeper with them. Love on them. Pray with them. Wrestle giants and weather storms with them.
Life is short. Time is precious. And each new day is an opportunity to tell them how much you love them and witness them in their highs and lows.
Yes, you’ll fight and misunderstand each other. You’ll hurt each other. You’ll need to forgive them, they’ll need to forgive you. That’s family life. That’s human life. That’s real, messy, beautiful life.
Get Your Priorities Straight
One day, all the things you’re so stressed out about won’t matter much. They’re urgent in the moment, yes, but they won’t matter in the end. And maybe you can decide to look up often enough to see the people around you and show up for them or even let them show up for you.
If your schedule is absolutely crazy and you feel like you don’t have room to breathe, maybe what I’m suggesting sounds like a fairy tale. I can’t pretend to know your situation, but I can tell you that life has seasons, and every single season cannot be so packed that you have no time to love on your family.
If your duties crowd out your loved ones all the time, what depth and vigour will your relationships have?
Be intentional about family time. Put it on your calendar. Schedule it if you have to, but get it done. Unwind with your family more, not just with TV shows or social media. Make real memories with your family, not shallow ones with your frenemies. Listen to your family more, not only to strangers on social media you don’t know that you’ll never meet or walk through the fire with.
In the end, your life is a tapestry of beautiful moments and precious memories. Make room to share more joy and love with your family so you have something gorgeous to look back on in years to come.
Awesome article, and so apt for the times we live in. We think there’s always going to be a later, but what we truly have is now.
Hey, my cuz! You know what I’m saying?! We gotta make the most of now while we have it. Thanks for being here, bruv. Love you! 😀
Dear Otiti,
It’s really a very, very important issue that we often lose in the hustle and bustle of life. And how beautifully you said that relationships are the real treasures of our lives. I’m happy that I have a friend like you and I learn a lot from you.
Hiiii, Niaz! 😀 Thank you for joining the conversation!
Yes, our world is so fast-paced today that we’re losing sight of the intangible things that really matter. I pray that this encourages people to put down the phone and actually talk to each other more.
You’re welcome! I’m happy we can learn together, LOL 😀
This piece spoke truth to my heart because…. “When you lose someone, you won’t care about their positions, titles, or accomplishments. You’ll care about the hugs you gave, the love you enjoyed, the belly laughs that left you gasping for breath because they were so rich and deep….. ”
Losing a loved one is very hard but regretting missed hugs, laughs and loving up is even more horrible. I too have been there, more times than I care to recall.
So, my new year resolutions will include making time to enjoy and love up on my family and loved ones more.
Thank you Otiti.
My author! Thank you for being here. 😀
Yes, such regret is the pits, but if nothing else, it teaches us to cherish the ones we love and make real memories beyond fleeting encounters/interactions. Because really, what’re we striving so hard for at the end of the day, and is it worth neglecting the people right in front of us for? Probably not.
Love you always 😀 🙂