Category Archives: Open Heart

Ever Been Here?

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If you can relate to the following, if you have found yourself thinking or saying these words, you’ve been here.

 “I feel numb, hollow. I feel like it was a mistake to open up. I feel like I just want to be part of something real and every time I think I’m getting there, it falls apart. And if we were friends before, the friendship’s never quite the same afterwards. Sometimes it’s awkward, stilted, other times it just snuffs out without warning. I know it’ll be OK eventually. I just don’t know if I can trust enough to keep letting people in if they’re just going to knock me for six every single time. I know I’m probably quick to get attached, but even when I don’t start it, one minute everything’s fine and the next it implodes. I’m so tired of it, man, so goddamn tired. Tired of getting blindsided. OK so I’m not the most experienced or savvy person in the world, but surely I must mean enough to someone for him not to be a total bastard? And therein lies the rub. I don’t think I mean enough, if much at all. That’s what hurts the most.”

I wrote the above back in June, felt pretty low at that time. I never thought it’d see the light of a public forum, but maybe we need to reveal our innermost thoughts sometimes. Not because we are whining or wallowing in self-pity, but because we might be able to help others suffering similar angst. All too often when one cries out for solace, you just get empty platitudes in return, or even worse, someone tells you to “get over it”. Like you don’t know that already? *Eye roll*

Listening is an art form. It goes beyond the interpretation of another person’s sound waves. It is more than simply hearing them out and saying something, anything, to move the conversation in a more comfortable/enjoyable direction. It involves actually processing information and providing thoughtful feedback, recognising the emotions behind the words and giving the appropriate responses. Of course if the person says the same things over and over again, feel free to let them know that they might require more professional help than you can deliver, LOL.

Seriously, though. Listen. You never know when it will make a world of difference to a person in need.

perfection by Dan Pearce

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As a warning, the following post was written in complete desperation. I have recently learned some very sobering truths from people that I love dearly. These truths have set in motion a quest within me to do whatever I can to make a change. Today is not geared at funny. Today is geared at something greater. Read it to the very end. I promise you will be affected in a way you have always needed to be. I spent more than twelve hours writing this post because its message is that important to me.
I wonder. Am I the only one aware that there is an infectious mental disease laying siege on us right now? There is a serious pandemic of “Perfection” spreading, and it needs to stop. Hear me out because this is something for which I am passionately and constantly hurting. It’s a sickness that I’ve been trying to put into words for years without much success. It’s a sickness that I have personally struggled with. It’s a sickness that at times has left me hiding in dark corners and hating myself.

And chances are it’s hit you too. 

What is the disease called “Perfection”? Perhaps a list of its real-life symptoms will help you better understand it. We live in communities where people feel unconquerable amounts of pressure to always appear perfectly happy, perfectly functional, and perfectly figured. “Perfection” is much different than perfectionism. The following examples of “Perfection” are all real examples that I have collected from experiences in my own life, from confidential sources, or from my circle of loved ones and friends. If you actually stop to think about some of these, you will cry as I did while writing it. If you don’t, maybe you’re infected with way too much of this “Perfection” infection. Continue reading →

Trapped in Time

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This one’s been percolating in my mind for a while now. I find myself dwelling on the past, reliving certain events and phases over and over and over again, and I realise that I’m trapped in time. Memories, people, emotions….even though many things have changed and are no longer applicable to my present, I still treat them like they’re breaking news. Can we all say “denial” together?

I wonder why I keep trying to resurrect past emotions, ties, friendships, and alliances. I can’t understand why I expect things to remain the same when I know for a fact that change is the only constant. I’m so tired of thinking in the same loop and promising myself that “I have to stop”.

That said, I really will stop living in the past. I doubt it’ll be easy, though. Even if it seems incredibly difficult, nothing in life worth having is easily achieved. Or something like that, anyway.

No Games. Just Love.

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Hey, all. My Facebook status for this past week was the title of this post. No games. Just love. I was thinking about how we often hide how much we really care about our loved ones, and I wonder why it’s like that. I mean, if you love someone, he/she should know, right? Apparently not always.

If you have to guess what you mean to a person you deeply care about, if you keep the nature and extent of your emotions under wraps, if you play games to maintain the upper hand…..it just seems pointless to me. It’s not business, it’s a friendship, a relationship. It’s personal.

Put yourself out there. It’s worth the risk. Win or lose, rise or fall, acceptance or rejection, you did it anyway. You weren’t afraid to let your feelings show. If you fear the other person might not value your openness, well, there’re valid reasons for such a concern. All I know is one ought to be comfortable sharing if the object of your affection is good for you, and I’m talking about all sorts of relationships here. I won’t go near business because, yeah, it’s governed by a different set of rules. But otherwise? Let them know, people. Let them know.

The Masks Within

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We are more complex than one might ever fully appreciate. Our thoughts and desires are not necessarily on display for others to notice, or even for we ourselves to realise. It is possible for our external attitude and manner to be in discord with our inner mind scape, not simply mere discord but serious disharmony.

The masks within conceal our true natures not only from the observer’s eye, but from our own perceptions as well. Sometimes we don’t want to face or acknowledge what we feel, what we want, what we need, what we desire. Sometimes the maintenance of a projected self-image becomes more important than its personal fulfilment, which in turn necessitates the cultivation of a more private persona that achieves what the public image cannot.

Anyway, I was just thinking about how often we have dual identities: the public and the private. They’re not always the same, are they? Additionally, total self-knowledge isn’t always welcome or embraced unless absolutely necessary. Why do we shy away from peering into the furthest reaches of our inner selves? The possibility of uncovering unpleasant or disturbing truths, I guess.

The masks within. Evocative wordplay, no?

Balance Is The Key

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Balance. Inner balance, outer balance . . . these are things we strive for without even being aware of our end-goals. In our minds, it’s a nebulous something we just gotta have. I have come to realise that balance is the key to everything. It encourages finding your way to that special place where everything is as it ought to be. We all come across people who seem to have everything we want: dream jobs, dream houses, dream relationships, dream clothes, and so much more.

Sometimes we only see a mirage, a front to mask whatever’s really going down in their lives. Other times though, it is genuine. They do have their act together, and that is what draws us to them. Whilst I won’t profess to know the magic formulae for balance in all aspects of life, I do know, or rather think I know, that true balance comes from within.

 Inner peace. Think about it. When you are at peace with yourself, you can take on anything that comes your way, overcome obstacles, and tackle tricky situations. But when your inner compass is out of whack, everything seems to go to pot: you are irritable, nothing is going the way you want it to, you know something is missing but you remain unsure what it is . . . I could go on indefinitely but I think you get my drift.

So how do you get this inner peace, find your balance, become part of the elite who have it all? Simple.

Look inside yourself. Examine your priorities, your choices, your habits, and your lifestyle. What are the things that bring you joy and are positive? What is holding you back from tapping into your full potential? In other words, identify the good, the bad, and the ugly. Change whatever is getting you down. Take affirmative action. Find what works for you and go for it. Life is short, my friends, let’s get the best out of it while we can.

Be bold, be exotic, be fabulous, but most importantly, be you.

Letting go….

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Tough, innit? It’s really hard for me to admit that sometimes, no matter how much you love them, there’re inevitably parts of your life that you just have to leave behind: old clothes you used to love but never wear anymore; CDs you thought were IT when you got ’em but wouldn’t be caught dead near any now; and my least favourite, letting people go.
The first two concern inanimate objects so hey, it’s really not that bad after a while. Gotta clear out the clutter every now and then, right? The hardest part, however, is when you find that said clutter contains damaged relationships and bittersweet memories. Imagine investing time and emotion and effort, over and over again, nurturing a friendship and/or relationship for years and thinking that things are watertight. I mean, you guys have a blast, love each other, are there for each other, and so on. But then things start happening, start changing, start eroding, start ending. Continue reading →